I'm running off zero sleep right now. And I could have been sleeping for about at least two hours now if I went to sleep right away when I got home. But no. I'm awake. Fact: if I have something heavy on my mind. I can't sleep.
It doesn't work for me where I sleep to avoid life. It's the total opposite. For me sleep forces me to sit and soak in it.
Those moments where you cringe at life thinking about everything going on as you fall asleep. That probably happens longer than normal for me. And if I have something on my mind that's making me feel terrible,I just don't want to sleep, and have to lie there and think about it. Same goes for if I'm half awake/going to wake up soon and I'm trying to get back and I think about everything going on. Once I'm sort of awake and all those terrible thoughts rush in. I have to wake up.
This all stems from the solution of occupying myself. When I'm awake. I can write, listen to music, watch shows and keep my mind essentially taken over for long periods of time so I can relax more and not think about it and breath.
Problem is, this will be an issue for significant amounts of time. Till I stop caring, which normally takes forever.
This fact, is not so fun.
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