“I stay up just late enough until I am just exhausted enough that I can fall into my bed and sink into immediate slumber. Because I can’t stand lying in a bed in a dark room alone with just my thoughts for so many hours and hours.”
I can't stress enough how relevant this is, I find myself unconsciously doing this sometimes. If I know I won't fall asleep soon, I don't bother going to bed because thinking about my life sometimes makes me go crazy. Especially because it takes a long while for me to fall asleep, that span of time can be absolute torture.