Friday, November 22, 2013

Like fuckk, I'm trying!

I just sent a massive text message I don't even think he'll read and I apologized. That's a big fucking deal considering I was having none of that a week ago. NONE. But I'm trying really hard to fix what I'm dealing with. I have no idea what the end result will be at all. We could literally be done with having each other in our lives. That would be the worst case scenario. But it's a possibility, or everything could go back to the way it was as friends. I just know that I've never wanted to try this hard for anyone before. I mean I've never been proactive. I always just chill. But look at me now all grown up, I'm taking action. Like someone give me a gold star cause shit is being done!

Anyway, I swallowed my pride and genuinely apologized. Because I truly feel bad at this point, specially that it pushed him this far away. When he took space from me. I was right there waiting. When he left the room, I sat there. And I waited, patiently. The case right now, this boy has left the mother fucking building. The city. Now I'm here trying to find the guy and he's gone. That is the best picture I can paint for you all. I'm pretty proud of that description because it's so accurate. He's gone, and I feel lost.

Well, all I can do is wait. I guess. There is a 99% chance that he's blocked my number, because imessage can do that now (curse you apple!). So I could be waiting for nothing.

But I tried. I can't say I never tried. It was the most impulsive decision. But I feel better doing it. It's my first step to feeling normal again.

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