I've been binge watching grey's anatomy lately, even though it tears my heart apart, and makes me so emotional, and cry ever other episode. For some reason, it's been keeping my mind at ease. I can't explain it. These are all episodes I've seen before but years ago like I'm talking 2006 so of course it's like watching them for the first time. I only remember the outcomes of all the situations.
Any ways, it keeps my mind pre-occupied. I find when I'm not watching it, I'm thinking about watching it because the alternatives that consume my mind, bring on endless anxiety.
I think I started watching it because I remembered the main characters storyline wanting to be with the man she loves for so long, and how patient she had to be, how strong she had to be, and go crazy at times on her journey where seasons later, she ends up with him. I'm not saying this is something that is happening to me, in the sense that my life will play out that way. Relax, I know that. But sometimes when you're going through a situation, it's nice to read, or watch something that relates closely to it. Not everyone deals with things this way, but it's my go-too method, always. It helps me have a new perspective on it, and it reminds me that I'm not alone. That it'll work out and be okay, even though I know that the person telling the story or in the story, it worked out for them right. So seeing it reminds me, flat out in your face. I will be fine.
I can't force myself to lose feelings for someone or stop wanting what I want. But I can make a decision to stop being so miserable, remember what I deserve, and remember everything will be okay.
One day at a time.