I feel like there is a lot going on right now. With school, work, my psychological well being, not being able to sleep.. etc
I'm for the first time, finding a real benefit to being alone. Having to confide and handle this all on my own, will only make me a stronger person I know that. When I was with my ex-boyfriend, he was there for me every step of the way, and I was able to lean on him when things got the slightest bit tough, to being the worst possible scenarios. Now, I have friends around me, but it's never the same as having that companion and partner around so that's what I mean when I say I'm alone. I don't have that safety blanket, that escape, that comfort any more the same way I used to. I have to learn to handle what issues I have, on my own with little or not help from anyone. I'm going to have to get used to this if I want to broaden my horizons in the future.
A thoughtcatalog article I read today was about
31 Things That Are More Important Than Being In A Relationship Right Now. It was enlightening, so I will share some of the things I found on it
9. Not settling for less than what you know you need out of life.
15. Being genuinely proud of the person you are or committing to the person you want to become.
16. Taking new opportunities to learn and grow, as you remember that life is a long process of constant education.
21. Being okay with the connections that don’t last and enjoying the time you get to spend with people for what it is.
24. Standing by your decisions, even your bad choices and your mistakes, knowing that we can’t grow unless we fuck up sometimes
28. Knowing what your boundaries and limits are — the things you’re okay with and what makes you feel uncomfortable.
29. Your lifelong romance with Chipotle and Ben and Jerry’s ice cream.
30. Allowing yourself to get angry when you need to let your feelings out and having someone to talk to when you need comfort or a sounding board. Just because we’re alone doesn’t mean we have to be lonely.
31. Never being afraid to want more or demand more.
I want to achieve these things, while I'm still young and able to comfortably take my time being single. I want to gain these things out of life, at whatever pace it comes because that is when I'll be okay with being by myself. Currently I'm always in a state of panic. I find myself constantly in need of feeling like there's a problem if I'm not in a relationship, or I'm not seeing someone or talking to someone. Nothing is wrong with that. This is the first time in a long time, I'm not talking to anyone, or in a relationship and I can't say it's the most amazing time. But I'm going to find ways to make the best of it, and be happy no matter what. I can't say, it's the first time I don't have feelings for someone because I do. That's what makes it harder to get rid of the notion that being single is a problem because I want to be with a specific person. Having feelings is okay, they will either pass with time or subside but I need to let it be, and focus on myself.
These are things that are so incredibly obvious, and have been told to me before. I've been lectured on this from a close family friend but I was never ready to do anything about it, or listen. Me not listening? what's new right. But now I'm going to get my shit together, for myself. Not anyone else.
There are so many other bigger and worse fish in my life to fry, like all the assignments I'm pushing to the corner and ignoring.