I am the queen of getting my hopes up. You could tell me maybe, to something that would make me so happy if you said yes and I'll already be day dreaming and pretty be in the mindset that things are going to go my way. They don't normally do, ever. I get let down like someone is going around making sure this happens. Then I'm devastated and this happens so often it's ridiculous.

One of the only people I wanted to show up, to go out for my birthday tonight just told me he can't come. No body understands how upset I am about this. I was so excited for it all at like a solid 10 and now, that bumped me down a few notches for sure.

I don't know why humans beings are even allowed to go through this. I've been better these past few weeks, but it doesn't mean I don't still feel like shit. The hard part is, I don't know how to get anyone to understand how I'm feeling. Which makes it hard to talk to anyone about it. Half of me is like smarten up move the fuck on. Then the other half is like but ugh fuck that, I don't want anyone else so I'll just stay miserable.