It's been two weeks. What the fuck Paula!

Everytime I wake up, my emotions are at an all time high of either anxiety or just plain sadness. It happens everyday pretty much. It has been happening the last few weeks. Currently this morning I feel incredibly anxious. With life.

Every morning I have to just push through it and keep going till I feel just okay again, later on in the morning or afternoon. 

It's as though everytime I wake I'm instantly reminded of why I'm hurt or stressing. I'm waking up from some sort of coma and I can feel all the pain from before I went to sleep rush in. 

This is actually the best way I can explain because that's how it feels to me. 

I'm waiting for the day I can wake up happy, hopeful, confident, grateful, and positive. But I don't know how close I am to those days, or if I'm even remotely close at all.

I'm also just sick of not being able to forget about it and move on. I'm sick of thinking about it. I'm disgusted with myself that I still yearn for this person more than anything. 

I'm sick of myself. 

That I've been left in this situation once again.