Monday, May 20, 2013

Self-Esteem is still in check.

I only realize how strong of a person I am and my resilience as a human being, when I endure rejection. There is no other time, where I display a clear example to myself that I can handle not being accepted in the way I'd hoped or not being looked at in a certain way. That I can continue to put a smile on my face, and sometimes pretend like it doesn't even phase me at all is one hell of a good job on my part.

It's one part of who I am that I am incredibly proud of. I'm not saying it does not effect me. It definitely does. I promise you that. But I don't let it effect how I see myself or let it impact my emotional state to a serious degree. I've spent a lot of time, trying to become comfortable with who I am. In no way shape or form does going through this make me question who I am.

I've reached a point where I'm beyond automatically calling the person, dumb, or an asshole, or rude. That's never been the case and it's always easier to resort to that then to just admit they're simply not interested. What I chose to do after that is up to me but resorting to viewing a person negatively because my feelings have been hurt by something so out of the control. In the sense that, they are just playing off how they feel. Is silly.

I'm an awesome person. Bottom line. No doubt about it. The hardest part about it is, realizing that this other person you so badly hope can see it. Doesnt't.

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