Friday, March 8, 2013

my conscience

When I'm going through something. Something serious that's consuming my thoughts, or stressing me out, but I can't just talk to anyone about it, it makes it ten times harder. For example I can't go to my absolute best friends for something's, the girl who's comforted me and ripped me a new one during my heartbreak and bad decisions. It's as if I know what she will say, and I'm scared to hear the truth. Because if I'm going to get the truth with my number one interest at heart from someone who knows everything about about everything about me its her. Since I've been hearing her harsh but truthful words for so many years I can just create them in my mind, tone of voice, word for word.

So when I feel like I can't even talk to her about something, I already pretty much know the truth. I'm just going through a secret intense case of denial. Which eats me up inside, and makes me feel horrible for not even telling her to begin with.

The whole thing sounds so silly. But I've never looked at it, as though I'm running away from hearing what I should do, or running away from her telling me something that I don't want to hear.

I'd like to think of myself as a fearless person, and doing what I want or what makes me happy, is a super 100% great part of who I am and my life. But no.. It is the root cause of some horrible situations.

No comments:

Post a Comment