Saturday, April 12, 2014

Not Able To Forget

Does it ever get any easier? Because I'm really starting to think it won't and it's been over a year. (Don't get me wrong, I have come a very very long way)

I just still remember everything. I remember his voice, the different tones of voice he'd use to say certain things. I remember what he looked like when he played guitar, his smile, the piercing colour of his eyes. I don't need to go on do I? I'm sure the point is understood. I still remember too much for me to be okay with.

It makes it hard for me to say convincingly that I'm over this person. It's making it hard for me and everyone around to believe that I don't miss him any more and I'm okay with the way things are. Those two things are true, but how close to bullshit do they sound when I sit here and explain that I can't get the details out of my head.

I want something new now, I really do. So why can't I just push that aside even further. I want to see what else is out there, experience falling hard again for a second time. It's not fair that my mind travels back.(Even if it is infrequently) I don't think I should have to find a replacement for this to end but I can't see anything else being the solution. It would work for periods at a time when I thought what I found was worth the mental space.

I just want to know if I'm ever going to completely forget? Am I even okay with forgetting? Are you supposed to forget something this important in your life?

Maybe I'm not ready.

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