Saturday, February 22, 2014

A year later, I am okay.

I've been thinking a lot about how much things have changed in literally the span of one entire year (next month will be a year since I broke up with my ex). A lot has changed, more than I can even grasp. It will never cease to amaze me how, I can just carry on with my life without this other person who at one point I couldn't even breath without. I needed this person. And now I still can't believe it's reached a point where we don't even talk any more. It sounds so silly but I've never had something this drastic change for me before, he was a constant. For a long time. Now to think it might never go back to that ever again or we may never see each other again, gives me an indescribable uncomfortable feeling in the pit of my stomach, all the time. Then to think the reason I ended things is so insignificant and I didn't even feel that way any more. The way my moods have changed on certain things, the way my feelings have changed towards certain people or stayed the same. I've been thinking about it very often lately, and it's more of an acceptance I'm going through now than anything. I know who I am, why I made the decisions I made, and felt the way I felt and I can't keep fucking beating myself up for acting on them and doing what felt right every step of the way. Even if it pushed people away or landed me here. Here isn't even that bad to be honest. Everything happens for a reason, I'm the biggest advocate of that. I like to always remind my self of the paths I've gone down and the people I've met because the way everything has worked out. I'm thankful for every experience I've gone through thus far, and everything I've learned. Every excruciatingly painful, sad, angry, frustrated emotion I endured for months and months on end, along with the happy, relieved, excited, and anxious ones.

Point is I'm okay. I'm going to be okay.

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