Sunday, January 26, 2014

Turns out I'm not okay.

The other day I was watching the bachelor, and there was this women and her story was that she got engaged and her fiacee left her. It had happened in the past year or so and she went on this show thinking she was ready. Yet later on in the episode this girl keeps crying about it. She was clearly not ready. Why the hell was she even on the show? (She got sent home early on thank god)

Point of the story is, this morning I felt like this women. I cried over my ex because I miss having him in my life, even as a friend. STILL. I miss having him as my best friend. I thought I was okay, and I was ready to move on, I thought I was starting to be okay and comfortable with things. But deep down I'm not.

The fact that we're not on good terms and there's this sort of grudge going on between us (I'm terrible at holding grudges by the way) makes it ten times harder.

This isn't to say I have any intention of messaging him because I don't actually honestly have anything to say. I just wish things didn't turn out this way because I really do miss his friendship, advice, support and opinion like everyday.

I just don't know how I'm supposed to be okay with losing a best friend all the time. Do I just start to get used to this void eventually?

So I think at this stage I still need time to focus on myself more than anything.

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