Sunday, December 1, 2013

Scatter brained

Such a solid end to the weekend. Saturday went down to st.catherines/niagara to visit someone, and then we were going to hang out for a friends birthday. I spent more money than I should have of course. But it was a lot of fun. I have no idea where I stand with this person, we click so well. But I think we both can't tell what eachother is thinking about anything. It's we're but I was always not sure about him, because he was just a good distraction talking to him so much. But now I think I'm starting to like him? I put the question mark cause I don't really know. I'm trying to hold off on that as long as I can. To save myself from going mental and getting frustrated.

I'm just over putting any effort, and having it all go to waste. I need someone to come along and put 100% into winning ME over. That's all I want. I have no energy any more to play games, bend over backwards, in hopes they'll fall for me. If I don't see the interest from the start then, byeee.

I also have an exam at 8am that I haven't started studying for, so that's awesome.

Also I deleted the other one's number again. I give trying to talk to him. All it does it get my hopes up and then piss me off because it's not the same. So fuck that. I'm done trying. I'm just not going to talk to him again. Cause I can't even deal with putting myself through that and caring so much about something or someone who doesn't care about me. I feel no more ways about, like I'll miss him, and it sucks we can't just be normal again, but it's not my fault. I'm coming to terms with the fact that if he wants to push me away, then I'm gone.

I think about fighting for him everyday. Everyday before I fall asleep I think of a new way, every morning I contemplate it. But I never take any of my (awesome) ideas seriously because I can't see it being worth it. He used to be so worth it. Before all of this happened we were so amazing and it was so worth it and I thought about then to, but now he's acting like I'm a nobody.

So fuck him.
Over it.

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