I already did a halloween costume last week with two of my main homegirls. We did salt tequila and lime. I was salt. It was last minute but we spent the whole day before on it, and it turned out awesomely I'll insert a photo later. Any ways today is actual halloween and my costume is so far from my original idea it's crazy. Up until two days ago I was ready to just throw together a school girl costume. It would be easy, I'd look good, because obviously I'd make it as revealing as possible. Within my comfort level I mean. But then I was scrolling on tumblr, and I came across a gif of Blake Anderson on my dashboard. I was like I'm going to be Blake, it's happening. I texted my friend, she was like oh my god do it.
So point of the story is, my costume this evening is going to be a dude. A hilarious awesome dude, but a dude. It's funny, I was so close to being sucked into that whole idea that halloween is every girls opportunity to look as outrageously sexy as you possibly can, in some outfit you wouldn't normally wear. I'm not saying everyone does this but it's a popular mindset within society, within my generation. And with my salt, I sort of did that. (it was a tshirt turned into a dress) I mean I saw some costumes that were no where near what I had on. Like I'm talking two pieces of cloth. But I digress, my point is my costume isn't going to be flattering, it's not going to show off my shape, make my boobs look big, or my legs look great. And that's okay. I like the idea that I'm okay with not taking what people think of me so seriously. The only reason I'm making a point of this is because no matter where I go tonight, 99.9% of the girls are not going to be dressed like a guy and it's going to make me stand out.
Then it also made me think about an article I read of a male writer explaining that good girls are like unicorns. You can go read that if you want. It's interesting. That literally the only word I have for it, I don't want to say its amazing, or he's a genius. He contradicts himself and it makes it confusing to understand his point but for the most part I get it. It just made me think that what he's saying "all" girls are doing is no where near how I carry myself. Or my mindset. I know he's talking about the majority. But it made me realize how I think I carry myself, and the decisions I make in terms of how I present myself, or live a "yolo" type of deal (ew don't shoot me for saying that). It's different from many other girls. Like instagram, for example, the photos I would post compared to other people. How I dress. Uhm what else, my lifestyle in general, my sex life. All of that, that sort of makes up who I am. He's basically saying girls don't take pride in themselves anymore, and guys can't find anyone to settle down with.
Does this make me a unicorn? Cause me and other girls like me (my friends) exist, we're everywhere. It just doesn't make a difference. Cause I'm still single and guys are still dumb as fuck. The writer says that about guys too. So I'm not bitter, it's true!
I don't want to hold myself up above anyone else, like I'm better than other girls for not feeling like I have to dress a that way, act a certain way, or work to attract a certain type of attention. That's not even it. Because well honestly, I don't care about other girls..
I've just never felt so confident in who I am than I do now. Despite rejection, and despite not being reassured on a daily basis. I know who I am, I know who my friends are. I'm just saying, it's made me realize new things about who I am. That I can laugh at myself, I can do what I want for myself and feel comfortable doing it. Even if it's different than what I see other people doing around me all the time.
(Honestly, if anyone sees me on a daily basis anyway, they would know that I dress like a teenage boy on most days. So this costume is like the closest thing to my comfort zone. )