Friday, September 27, 2013

I'm not exactly sure what I want to say right now. I'm indecisive on a few random thoughts going on in my head. I guess they both sort of tie in together. First off, the other day my friend at school told me how his girlfriend broke up with him, how she did it and that whole terrible story. The first words that came out of my mouth were "delete her" from everything, number, facebook, and every app you have her on. I tell him this even though it's a struggle for me to do it myself.

He told me no he couldn't, he confessed all the time he spent lurking her, and that he's texted her.

What the fuck! 2013 will be the death of us all. Torturing our open wounds like this is something many of us do and I believe it's going to take a toll on all of us. Technology, and social media make it physically impossible to move on from someone. I figured this out a long time ago, but seeing it first hand, as opposed to me experiencing it myself made me shake my head at this whole generation. Many of us would spend a lot more time with people who actually care about us, a lot more time finding those who are actually right for us, if ties were cut when they needed to be cut.

Hitting the delete contact, or remove friend button has turned into the biggest decision, oh and god forbid you block someone.

This also ties in to how much of a big deal I make something such as a like, or a comment, on something I've posted. Instagram is my favourite thing invented, it's all I use. So for the sake of my point lets say instagram. When someone likes something cool I've taken a photo of, like today for example food and people have liked it. Awesome. But when I put up a selfie, a photo of my face the likes have become so heavy with importance. People who like it are basically saying, they like my face. But who the fuck cares if anyone likes the photo I took of my face. It's my fucking face! I like it! It's dumb, I felt confident enough to put it up and I have to remind myself not to care about other peoples approval of it.

Then I wonder well if I don't care about other peoples approval, why did I even put it up?! It's sick I tell you.

I can't remember the last time I've taken a photo of myself on instagram without makeup. I don't even know if I ever have. I think I have but it most likely wasn't taken no where near how I would if my face was covered up in all sorts of shit.

It's sort of embarrassing to be completely honest. I don't even wear makeup everyday, so I'm not even going to take this and say that I don't feel confident not wearing makeup, I love not wearing makeup. It's just that when I take a photo of myself without makeup, I want to gag. Get it?
I would love to photograph awesomely without makeup, I would love to feel awesome about the photo of myself without makeup. That's where the embarrassment comes from. Over the past several months, probably more, people have complemented me on how I do my makeup and what not and I appreciate it.

But in all true honesty I'm incredibly jealous of people who look amazing without anything on their face, like pretty much all of my friends. They think I always put so much effort, but they don't see it as me feeling like I have to..

This got deeper than I planned. My mindset is flawed but I have self confidence guys, don't worry.

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