Sunday, August 4, 2013

theres a first time for everything.

I've never written while drunk before. It was bound to happen eventually. It'll probably take me twice as long trying to fix all the spelling errors but that's okay.

I'm feeling really insecure at the moment and not about my appearance or acceptance of my personality, okay well maybe a little of the second but because something I was more so sure about, not completely sure but something I had a feeling was working out, feels in my eyes like its falling apart. Right at that specific moment where I'm starting to get comfortable, starting to let my guard down, starting to grow feelings. I have no idea what is going to happen but. Right now, I feel like shit. I feel like I've wasted my time. I feel like, I was crazy this whole time. I feel like this is what I was dreading and what I expected but thought would be different.

I'm incredibly bold when it comes to playing with my heart, but I still get hurt or sad, or disappointed all the same. I take chances but that doesn't mean I'm okay with having someone play games and lead me down a dead end.

I'm not saying that this has all gone to shit. Yet. I'll have to keep this updated on that part but at the moment I'm super doubtful.

I need a miracle.

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