sixteen seventeen eighteen nineteen - through provoking questions (the end!)

16. Are there things that you sometimes pretend you understand, but actually don’t?
This is a weird question. But I'm 100% sure this happens often. I can't recall them. But I'm sure if you saw me interact in real life you can witness it and notice it's happening.

17. What big lesson could someone learn from your life?
Well my life so far, I think someone can learn just chill out. Don't let anxiousness, insecurities and falling so hard get the best of you. It can be self-destructive. Situations can slip through your fingers faster than you know it if you don't keep this under control. I still don't even have this under control, I just let it happen again the other day. I'm getting better but it's still happening.

18. What have you done lately that’s worth remembering?
I honestly have no idea. I ruined something recently so I guess remember it all. What I did. So with every ounce in me I can avoid letting it happen again.

19. What is the simplest truth you can say with words?
Life goes on.
Even when I feel like, the world is ending. Shit keeps rolling, it's not stopping for nobody.

thirteen fourteen and fifteen - thought provoking questions

13. How do you know when it’s time to let go of something or someone?
This question is so relevant to my life, because this is spot on something that I struggle with trying to figure out. I think it's a serious question, and one I never know the answer too. I think letting go of someone for me at least takes a lot of consideration. I make a lot of my decisions in life based on emotion. Which is self-destructive to say the least, so I end up stretching a situation longer than it should be because I have such a hard time letting go. I think it's time to let go when you're tired of feeling like shit. I tend to exhaust, and endure the painful circumstance and continue to try a number of times before I reach this point but I would love to be able to walk away quicker. There's just I point I hit where I sort of start to feel embarrassed and it clicks "what am I doing? I'm so much better than this." That is when I let go.

14. What do you wish someone would ask you?
I wish someone would ask me: what makes me happy?
I'm trying to determine that on my own so if someone asked me I'd be forced to really thingk about it and remember and apply these things.

15. What have you witnessed that has strengthened/weakened your faith in humanity?
Any one who treats animals badly or doesn't care about the environment, automatically weakens my faith in humanity. Always.

ten eleven and twelve - thought provoking questions

10. When was the last time you lied? Why?
I think yesterday when I was updating my friends. I said that I was okay. That's it's whatever and I'm over it. I'm not. I'm still pretty bummed and I will be for a while. I lied because, I know that's how I should feel. I should be able to let it go easily. Move on, give up. Forget about something that wasn't even going that long anyway. But I can't. So I tell people I'm okay, then they don't have to worry about me or think something's wrong with me. I know something is wrong with me.

11. What will you never give up on?
University. I want to give up everyday. It's terrible how much I hate it. But I have to finish.

12. What is the most spontaneous thing you’ve ever done?
Ever is a big word. That would mean it would have to be at the top of my list. I don't think I can even remember right now. I am a spontaneous person, but I've yet to do something that is just super amazing. So I'm not gonna bore you.. One day.

seven eight and nine - thought provoking questions

7. When is silence more meaningful than words?
When cuddling, always. In those awesome moments, talking isn't necessary and being comfortable in the silence makes it so much better.

8. What do you wish you knew?
I wish I knew, if what I hope to happen in life will actually end up happening. And I know it all depends how hard I work and all that stuff but shit happens. So I would like to know for sure. I also wish I knew I wasn't going to end up a lonely cat lady....


9. Are there chances you’ve passed up that you wish you’d have taken?
100% there is. Can I remember them? No. So clearly they weren't that important, all little things. Nothing life changing. Well actually who knows if they would have been life changing, I can look at it that way too.

four five and six - thought provoking questions

4. Whose life do you believe you’ve had the biggest impact on?
This is hard, because I literally can't think of anyone's life I've had any impact on. Minus my parents. So I feel bad but I feel like I have yet to achieve this.

5. What is home to you?
Honestly it's my home city. Not even my actual house, but this city. Which can be a shitty boring place sometimes, over crowded and everyone complains about it daily. But I've lived here my entire life, I know it well and I feel most at home when I know where I am, and am comfortable. When I visit people away for a few days I always eventually feel a bit uneasy, and anxious because that city isn't my home. A sense of relaxation hits me when I finally arrive back here. That's how I know this place is my home. Unless I've flown away somewhere awesome, then truly I never want to come back. When I was dating my ex, this answer would have been different. I would have said wherever he was, and it would have been so true. I felt safe with him no matter where we were or what we were doing. Never anxious or uneasy always safe and comfortable.

6. Is there anybody in your life that you would like to forgive, but haven’t?
I don't think there is anyone. I've been hurt recently, I'm kind of holding a grudge about it, not really. It's complicated. I have no desire to truly forgive him and fully move on from it anyway, it's already happened or is happening and I'll never be okay with it. So is there anybody I would LIKE to forgive? That answer is no.

first second and third - thought provoking questions

1. What is one of the nicest things someone has ever done for you?

My sister has helped pay for my tuition for university, I say this is one of the nicest thing out of everything because going to school is super important to my journey in life in accomplishing what I want to and it wouldn't have been possible without her most the time, when that time of year rolled around. So yeah, for sure that sibling really has helped me out.

2. Who/what do you love most and what are you doing about it?

This will be a better answer if I do who AND what. So who I love most minus my family because I have no choice and they're a given. Are my best friends. Like the ones I text daily who know everything happening in my life, minute minute play by plays of every crucial situation and the not so crucial ones. The ones I call shamelessly crying who won't judge me and are just there for me no matter what and vice versa. I love them more than anything. What am I doing about it, I make sure they know I'm grateful for each of them and sustaining these relationships as best I can because some of them are just like so once in a lifetime that I can't imagine replacing or letting end.

What I love is writing and music. What am I doing about it? I am writing on a daily basis (kinda) about anything. Mostly the 21 year unfortunate situation that is: my life. As for music I am always listening, reading and searching music daily. I write about music. I go to concerts. I don't mean music as in instrument I mean it as in, like bands, artists, performances etc. And I could be more invested in it (but schools on right now so gimme a break) but I'm never not invested in it so, points for that.

3. How do you show yourself that you love yourself?

Okay I'm going to grow my answer from the idea of those moments where I feel like I really love myself. So I don't care if you think my answer is silly because it's my answer. I show myself I really love myself by doing the physical things such as shaving, putting on make-up, doing my hair, putting lotion on, just getting out the shower and other awesome annoying moments like these. These are such time consuming things to do I realize this, and complain and slack on doing them all the time I admit. But they are what I do, to take care of myself and my appearance and I love myself a great amount when I feel good in my skin and these are the things I do to achieve that. Let me give you a solid example. These past few days I've been stuck in my house doing nothing. When I go a few days without wearing a real outfit or doing my hair or putting on makeup I start to feel like crapola. So tomorrow I'm hanging out with my girlfriends to get my groove back I'm gonna put on a full face of makeup, do my hair, put on some cute clothes, shave and head out the door probably overdone but I don't care because it makes me love being me and feel confident when I'm able to look my best every once in a while. 

Now I mention and label them physical things because they go in that category. Another way I show I love myself is by writing. I'm able to reflect and notice things I wouldn't normally if I didn't take the time to sit down and express them. It doesn't mean I'm always proud of my decisions or the things that happen, but it helps me learn to accept them, accept who I am, where I'm going, how things are at the moment and in turn I'm able to show myself some love and appreciation that I'm doing fine everything is going to be fine, I'm still awesome.