Hating on the one thing I probably spend my time doing the most.

I hate text messaging. There I said it. I love it, but I hate it. I hate that it is the furthest form of communication yet so much weight is put on the act of it. When's a good time to send a message, what they say so, how they are worded. What they mean, like what they really mean. Making sure the other person understands what you really mean. Sometimes you don't even want that, cause somehow emoji's and faces have become a way to explain full sentences. Then there's how often to text someone.

All of this stupid shit, and then to think that today I felt bad texting someone a message, someone I probably no not probably 100% won't ever see again in my life. I felt bad being straight up with this person. I literally thought to myself, what on earth is going on. This distant form of talking to someone has become so, important for lack of a better word that in my head and many others, it feels more personal and close than it actually is.

Having to speak to people in person, if texting didn't exist, don't get me wrong. I'd probably die and not talk to anyone. That's not the case in this time we live in though, and I'm so over caring so much about
fucking, text messaging.

Who cares.

Let it go, holy shit

My mom, she did an awesome job up until a point. But she needs to relax and let go. I always say that I'm going to go about being a parent different then my mother because 100% I totally will. She's the most dramatic and annoying person for no reason and it makes me literally not want to be at home. And she get's mad why I'm not home, well not only is it summer, but I'd rather be around any of my friends then be at home most of the time. Something that doesn't click in her mind. This woman thinks I'm going out too much, which I don't by the way, but then when I'm at home all I do is sit around, so what is her argument. It's all just incredibly annoying. You raised me with some common sense and at this point I'm adult, just leave me alone and let me live my life. She acts like I never ever come home as if I'm gone for days and days at a time.


Stop being so dramatic, you're long annoying rant, never has and isn't going to change anything.

more late night self evalutation

I don’t know the first thing about how to write (as you probably noticed in this post). I nod along and pretend that I know what things like “subject” and “predicate” and “passive tense” actually mean. I mean, I think I have an idea, but it hasn’t held me back so far. To quote Schopenhauer again, “to have something to say” is “by itself virtually a sufficient condition for good style.” I’ll take grade school dropout writing passionately in his prison cell over some empty, superior Yale MFA any day.


....What matters more now than any other single thing is that what you’re saying is different–that it’s interesting, that it provokes some response from people. You’ll only accomplish this if you’ve got something you have to say. Better yet, you need to have something that you can’t NOT say. If what you’re writing is a compulsion rather than a vehicle for your display how smart and well practiced you are.
So think about it one more time. Is it that you want to be a writer? Or it’s that you have these things inside you that you want very badly to communicate to people and writing is the best way to do it?
Getting the answer to that question right is the day you really become a writer.

- Ryan Holiday

I just read the most awesome article titled So You Want To Be A Writer? That’s Mistake #1 and it was incredibly inspiring. It pretty much summed up in a way why I haven't been pushing myself as much to get my writing out there. Granted what he's saying in this article is all his opinion and how he went about to find his success but I completely agree more than anything, and think it makes total sense what he's saying. Having that compulsive feeling to speak out about something is what I want to have. I want to write about things that I want to make sure people know about but it solely unique to my life and my story. I loved this guy's explanation for how to become a better writer because he explained that he doesn't exactly know every little detail about writing, which I'm totally guilty of, what the fuck is a predicate? Anyways, it helped him find his voice and his style that he can confidently say is his. Through the different perspectives he's gained by pretty much going that extra mile to make his life more interesting.

I've been saying I want to write about music for years. Which I do, don't get me wrong, but there are also so many other things I know I could and would love to write about. Not that I have found them yet, but I'm recently coming to terms with the fact that these other possibilities are what I want. This is an outlet that can get my voice heard, so honing my ability to express myself, and expanding what I have to express can lead me down so many interesting paths with writing. I may not even end up writing about music my mind wavers all the time. To be honest mostly because I'm a big baby who thinks I'll never be good at it. I just love the idea of making people think, while entertaining them, through writing.

softy moment.

Lately, I've been so thankful for having such great friends. And the thing is they haven't even done anything that super awesome for me like I don't have any sort of story right now. We have just been having a lot of good times and they are all just amazing people. We are also going to the cottage for four days this week so that's going to be unreal times. I'm just so thankful high school brought us all together, and that we've continued to be as close are we are. I know the chances are high for your friends from high school to become very distant over time but we have probably all just gotten closer.

With these people the jokes never end and I dunno, all I hope for is that one day when I have children they grow up with a group of friends like mine. Its a weird thought but, I always wonder like if parents are ever thankful that their kids have friends, that they got a boyfriend, that they go out and have a social life. I know these aren't the most important things in life, but they are what help someone be a well rounded person and obviously it keeps their kids happy and not miserable. As much as my mom wants to complain that I go out a lot. Which I don't but in her mind I do. I'm thinking you should be happy I'm the social butterfly that I am, and not a loner hermit. Not only that, but I don't think she realizes without my friends I would go completely mad.

things to remember while in my twenties

Um, this is all depressing advice, so maybe I should end it on an optimistic note. One thing you don’t realize in your 20s is that anything is possible. It sounds trite but it’s true. This is your moment. People like to think that the odds are stacked against them. Crappy job market, no money, no support, no clue how to enter the field you desire. While a lot of this is valid, you have to realize that by being the new generation, it’s our turn now. Someone has to be the new, great filmmaker, artist, scientist, author, etc. So why not let that someone be you? What’s different today than back then is that there is no clear path anymore. Lines are smudged, career trajectories are murky. But that’s also what makes it so exciting, don’t you think? You can create your own journey and become a trailblazer. I mean, is that a ridiculous thing to suggest? I’m typing this out and kind of wanting to gag at the saccharine tone, but I still think it’s true. I still think it’s possible to go after what you want and get it. It just involves a buttload of discipline and tenacity. You also can’t ever second-guess yourself. Imprint it on your brain. You will become who you want to be. There is no other alternative. The power of positive thinking often feels sooooo “delusional sorority girl” but it’s effective in many ways. It certainly can’t hurt, right? Besides, you’ll need all the help you can get during this freaking decade.

- Ryan O'Connel

appreciation post / unavoidable diary entry type part, I'm sorry.

This post is going to cover two totally separate topics.

The first one that is the more important is today, someone told me they enjoyed reading my blogspot. I don't care if it sounds stupid but that actually means so much to me, because I don't necessarily write to put it out there and make sure all my peeps read it. But if people do see it and like it that's so awesome. I want to pursue writing and this blog is just me and my thoughts and a way to practice getting stuff out so it's just like, aw man, thank you girl, your words mean a lot.


Secondly, I was going to be vague and not make it so obvious who I'm talking about it. But I'm going to commit being straight up and honest on my blog.
My ex made me so incredibly mad yesterday. Like if I had the ability to delete myself entirely from all his social networking, and from his phone, I would have undergone that process. That's how I was feeling in the moment at least. This is also one of those cases where its the principle more than anything. I'm done feeling like I'm some sort of burden. If you're not okay with our friendship then that's fine, but I'd rather you tell me that then act so unnecessarily rude, feeling like you can talk to me whichever way you want. That never flew with me before and we all know it's not gonna fly now. If I'm going to be the only mature one, to continue to always act nice and be respectful, then just forget it. Forget the friendship, or having me around. It's not worth it.
Also side note: the fact that you're the one in the wrong, and you still haven't said anything to me. Just continue doing that please, cause now I really don't want to hear from you.

You may read this, you may not. I don't care anymore. My happiness comes first, always.

That last part literally looks exactly like a diary entry, and I'm trying to avoid that and discuss things in a more well rounded way..  but sometimes I cannot help it. I'm sorry.